Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Unprotected Sex Among Honeybees on the Rise

So is anyone else as weirdly fascinated by the press honeybees have gotten in the last couple of months? It's been in a bunch of major news publications lately and the Times Science section picked it up today. The bee population of our country is estimated to have declined by almost a quarter over the last two decades in what researchers have now dubbed colony collapse disorder. Normally, I'd be all "who the fuck cares, they're just stupid bees," but apparently bees are partly responsible for pollinating our food. Scientists have suggested cell phone reception or GM crops may be the culprit and the blogorati have been shouting secret terrorist plot or honeybee rapture.

The real answer, however, lies in this quote:

Genetic testing at Columbia University has revealed the presence of multiple micro-organisms in bees from hives or colonies that are in decline, suggesting that something is weakening their immune system. The researchers have found some fungi in the affected bees that are found in humans whose immune systems have been suppressed by the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome or cancer.

The obvious link cannot be clearer. Bee AIDS (or BAIDS as I call it) is surely the culprit. Much like Hurricane Katrina and the failure of our Iraqi operations, God is punishing us through our bees for gay-rights successes in our country. Thus, he has unleashed his gay plague upon our pollinating friends. Repent sinners and save our honeybees!

Beat you to the punch Phelps.