Saturday, June 30, 2007

Guess the child star

What former child star who was also a former Crystal Meth addict got some, how do we say this ... work done?

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Breaking News: Young People A Bunch of Socialist Gay Mexican Lovers

In durrrrr-worthy news stories today, the NY Times reports that, surprisingly, young people tend to have more liberal points of views than older people.

Other interesting findings include the belief among us youngsters that the US would not elect a president that has done cocaine, despite evidence that it may have already done so. This begs the question, does my demographic simply not know that Bush most likely has sampled some Bolivian Marching Powder back in his party days (most likely) or simply live in denial?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dell, its the new black

I had to go to a very lame attempt at a fashion show by Dell, where they tried to make their computers seem hip and cool. Its quite funny that the models aren't even holding the computers that the show is supposed to be advertising. In any case I manage to ask a pretty obnoxious question in front of all the major news networks during a real live press conference.

Wow journalism is like so cool. And its like so easy to turn into such a fun time when you ask stupid questions. Also to note they served literally inch large tacos and burgers, I'd have to say that was the coolest technological advancement I saw at this event.

Dell fashion show via Consumerist

At least its not puppet

Despite being a huge Interpol fan, I was not blown away by their new material that was made available via live performance eariler this month at the Bowery Ballroom, but I still think their first single "Heinrich Maneuver" is pretty hot.

Link to the video here!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Year So Far in Music

2007 is reaching its halfway point in about a week, so like any good little Williamsburg blogger I've come up with my mid-year analysis of music. As of right now, I think LCD Soundsystem's Sound of Silver is my forerunner for both album of the year and song of the year (Someone Great). However, the rest are still kind of up in the air. Without further ado, my picks:

My top albums of the year, so far

Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?
This album sounds like a continuous dance party to me, which is weird
considering how depressing/grim the lyrics are.

Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta
I felt like I was at some crazy Russian bar where everyone was drunk when I heard this for the first time. This band is nuts, but genius.

Dan Deacon - Spiderman of the Rings

I'm pretty sure Dan Deacon is completely insane, but this album is ridiculous. I can't believe the shit he does with a keyboard.

Battles - Mirrored
Quite an amazing debut album.

LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
I don't know what to call this album other than a masterpiece. I love it from beginning to end.

Honorable mention goes to Arcade Fire's Neon Bible. I really enjoyed it a lot, but for some reason can't say its one of my favorite albums of the year.

Top songs

Of Montreal - A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsviger
This song is pure joy. I'm a sucker for the xylophone.

The National - Mistaken for Strangers
Such a dark song, yet so catchy. Unusual.

The Klaxons - Golden Skans
I have no idea what the fuck a golden skan is, but it makes for a rockin' song.

Cut Copy - Hearts on Fire

Love the Cut Copy. This song makes me excited as shit for their follow-up to the amazing Bright Like Neon Love.

Patrick Wolf - The Magic Position

I think I might have listened to this song like 10 times a day for a week. I'm pretty sure he's talking about gay sex, which only makes it better.

LCD Soundsystem - Someone Great
I want to cry from the beauty of this song every time I hear it. A heartbreakingly great song about remembering a lover who has passed on.

Worst album

YACHT - I Believe in You. Your Magic is Real

Seriously, does anybody like his solo stuff except James Murphy? I saw him open for LCD and he was so annoying I wanted to cry.

Most overrated albums

Panda Bear - Person Pitch

Yeah, this album was okay. Does ripping off the Beach Boys really qualify you for album of the year though?

Deerhunter - Cryptograms
Don't get it. Sorry.

Alright, that's my story for now.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

New Movies

And as much as i know this is gonna end up sucking I'm still intrigued. Of course if its even a 1/4 as bad as I Robot i might have to gouge my eyes out.

Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be one more zombie film. The funny part is that it still appeals to me.

What do you think?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Monday Morning

It's 11am on a Monday morning and I am sitting in my apartment enjoying "The Object of My Affection" should I...

A: kill myself

B: be thankful that I don't have to work on Mondays and can appreciate Paul Rudd and Jenifer Aniston pre friends collaboration.

At least its not Haliburton

I know for so many of you Sonic Youth is god, but this is lame as all hell. First off you guys couldn't find anyone else to release this project? And also why do I give a fuck what Sonic Youth song Michelle Williams or Portia De Rossi loves the most. No offense Portia, but I don't really care if your first lesbian experience had Teenage Riot as the soundtrack.

Seriously whats the deal with people that don't need money or fame selling out to Starbucks?

See: Paul McCartney.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Fathers Day

I'm sure this guy didn't really do it.

But for all of the real fathers that are actually good guys out there Thanks.

Sweat Descends

Yeah I was one of the guys holding his ass up on that yellow tarp. get ready for the McCarren Park summer concert series coming soon.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Fashion Memo: Bar Mitzvah Sunglasses

My residence in Williamsburg, though great in many ways, exposes me to some of the worst fashion trends around. Today's rant concerns the recent explosion of cheap, neon plastic sunglasses in the area and city at large.

I call these glasses Bar Mitzvah sunglasses mainly because they were party favors at almost every bar/bat mitzvah I attended (Jew from Westchester here, so that's at least 40) in my youth. Now they were cute and fun for the 3 hours a group of 13 year olds wore them while doing the Electric Slide and playing Pepsi vs. Coke, BUT, I'm sorry to inform you they are not a viable fashion trend.

I could understand it if there weren't perfectly decent looking pharmacy sunglasses that, to be honest, aren't half bad in many cases. Yes, you're not going to find something as cool as a $150 pair of Ray Bans, but at least you won't look like someone who's desperately trying to be ironic and cool. You can practically feel these people's desperation to have someone comment on how funny they are for wearing bar mitzvah sunglasses or sweet they are for not "buying into" conventions of fashion.

Please, before you reach for this fashion faux-pas, can you ask yourself the following question: Is your accessory really ironic when there are 30 other hipsters sporting it in a five block radius?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Propaganda Alert

Is this movie really just a way to get us all to be alright with global warming?

Major climate change will be great. Look all the Penguins will have surfboards. Maybe they'll even say hilarious things too?

The New Tweed

and you thought LastFM was pretentious. Here it is for all the sophistactes too busy reading Pynchon to even know who Blonde Redhead is? Goodreads is the literay equivelant of LastFM and has already let Geiger prove to us all that he actually has read all those long books that most of just pretend to know.

I plan on starting a website called where I let everyone know what fabric feels the best against my ass. Of course I would still have more dignity than bragging about all the 400 pages novels by Russian drunkards that I had read.

Did I mention that I am on the site though? oh and my favorite book is Less Than Zero so I guess that makes me the pretentious asshole (but you already knew that). Its actually quite embarassing, I dont even think that book hits the 250 page count.

Monday, June 11, 2007

art right?

Untitled Tarantino project signs Carlos D

Carlos D is now officially working 2 jobs. It appears as he has taken on the role of Padre' Alvarez in the new Tarantino flick.

Sources say his character is a simple priest in a small Mexican village, but When a band of ecstasy peddling Euro trash vampires take over the village as a trading post. Carlos must fight back armed with nothing but his faith and a jimmy rigged Crucifix crossbow.

picture via brooklynvegan

Well now I'll go.

Some will say it was inevitable. Some will say they cannot believe it has come to this. Others will be incredibly excited, and yet even more will look up to the sky not sure what to think. I for one have not made up my mind yet, but Its my duty as a serious journalist to inform you that some Scottish ballet will be using excerpts from a band some of you may know as Radiohead.

I personally was a huge fan of the Radiohead lullabies and would have my baby rocking in his Pampers diapers to knives out (y'know let him know from an early age about the depressing digital years where we as humans have lost our analog souls to the depravity of technology and an emerging electro-global economy or whatever the hell good O'll Yorke sings about)

Petronio whose ballet is entitled Ride the Beast describes so succinctly why he has decided to join the long list of artists that have used Radiohead just to make their art seem more deep, meaningful, and just over all better.

Radiohead's music is a brilliant investigation of achingly modern taste. They sail through genre and form effortlessly and passionately, and their music demands a physical response from me that by-passes reason.

On a side note Six Feet Under and Vanilla Sky both used Radiohead quite well.

Sharon Stone defies science.

Some people may think this is pornography, but it's more like the illustrated picture you see of the naked girl in your 10th grade biology text book. For someone going on 85 years old, Sharon Stone's breasts look amazing.

We won't discuss them being fake or not, as they obviously are, but for someone that's so old she could of assassinated Kennedy I think they're looking pretty good. I mean, this isn't something you pleasure yourself to, as much as look in amazement, like one of those photos of nature that just makes you stare in awe.

Remember When Steve Martin Used to Be Funny?

Me neither. This just in: the sequel we've all been waiting for is in the works, Pink Panther 2: Electric Bugaloo!

Yeah, that's not the real title. But seriously, it seems that a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made has been greenlit with cinelegend Harold Zwart (Agent Cody Banks, One Night at McCool's) at the directorial helm.

Apparently, the film has done roughly $160 million in business (and cost $80 mil). Translation: sequel = box office gold!

No word yet on whether Beyonce is reprising her truly awful attempt at the challenging role of international megastar singer, Xania.

Just When You Thought Polo Couldn't Be More Obnoxious

I bet you thought those Polos with the giant logo were annoying. Well, introducing the new Polo logo: colorfully gay polo athletes from the 19th century!

P.S. Black people wearing Polo? Gimme a break Ralph.

via Copyranter

Sunday, June 10, 2007

2007- The New 2005?

The new Believer Music Issue is out now, and I assure you it is worth all ten of your parents' dollars that it'll cost you. Even if you only buy it for the articles, the Kevin Barnes interview is totally worth it. Though I've sat down with the cd compilation, "Cue the Bugle Turbulent," several times now, and it's definitely on its way to becoming my official Summer 2007 Soundtrack. The entire album is infused with the kind of carefree rock twang that just begs to be heard really loud on a highway with the windows down. Even the Sufjan track! (it's by far his most rock and roll moment since A Sun Came- kinda sounds like he stayed up all night drinking Diet Coke listening to Lightning Bolt/DFA1979 and figured out a way to Sufjan-fy it)

All this has me feeling sorta nostalgic-like for the good ol' days of the 2005 Believer Music Issue, which was a much more hushed affair -great backing music for a reading sesh. Very suited to my reclusive sensibilities.

Just like most people in this blog's demographic (I'm assuming), I chart my life not by experiences or lessons, but by the music/movies/books that accompanied them. Which is why I find myself in a really weird kind of bizarro time warp right now. The Believer just put out a new comp (just like 2005, circa now). Spoon has another amazing new album on the way (Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga/Gimme Fiction). The New Pornographers have one coming in August (hey Twin Cinema!). The White Stripes. The National. Judd Apatow rocking the box office.
I even went through a similar "I have to devour all classic literature" phase in early summer '05.

It's odd, but also comforting. All that's missing is this year's Illinois (that one album EVERYBODY hoists up on a giant stone pillar). Or have we all become too jaded to agree on anything anymore? Regardless, what are your predictions?
(I'm rooting for The National.)
(Because they're awesome.)

Friday, June 8, 2007

Biggest story of the day!

Joint Chief of Staff general Peter Pace has resigned from his post today. For most of you, this maybe the guy whose story interrupted you watching Paris Hilton ride in the back of a cop car.

Of course the man in charge of all of Americas military operations right now resigning during a war doesn't mean much or have any impact. But Paris wearing sweatpants and crying thats gonna fuck with my life.

I'm Emigrating to Burkina Faso

...or some other country not obsessed with retarded, drunk, spoiled hos. Cover story on NY Times homepage now.

We'll Always Have Paris

Is Paris In Jail Right Now?

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Le Spider

Its pretty unanimous that Spider Man 3 was pretty awful. I wasn't a fan of the first two that much either, but a lot of people did find them entertaining, they also garnered a pretty good response from critics, especially being a comic book movie.

In any case they say the budget for Spider Man 3 was somewhere around 500 million dollars. My question is how can a movie still be bad when you have unlimited money, and supposedly the best in the business at every position in your crew? Well the answer is simple: Story, without a good script or story all the money and effects and amazing locations in the world can't make you care about characters or get invested in the plot.

I bring this up because I saw Paris Je t'aime last weekend and it was absolutely amazing. The film is comprised of 18 short films all revolving around love in the city that supposedly oozes with romance. The shorts feature great directors like Gus Van Sant, Alfonso Cuaron, the Coen brothers, and Wes Craven, among many more. What is amazing is that many of these shorts in a few minutes could make me laugh, become upset (I don't cry cuz im a guy), and generally get emotionally invested, and this was in a matter of minutes. With a fraction of the budget of Spider Man a beautiful and great film was made, and purely because of its storytelling.

It just goes to prove that all the smoke and mirrors in the world don't really matter when you don't have the substance supporting it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Midweek Internet Sampler

These guys kick witty ass
thats what my insides are made out of
probably went to my high school
you could serve a 4 course meal on that (high five)
are you jealous that I was there?
its like science man. It can like help people

NYT Editors Misplace Thesaurus

Dear NYT Editors,

Fight, Argue, Disagree, Squabble.

These are just a few synonyms for spar. You surely have a thesaurus, if not please consult

Your Loyal Reader,

Monday, June 4, 2007

Hide from the space.

Ya know whats nice, my group of friends seems to have gotten over Myspace. I mean we all still have profiles and all that jazz, but the commenting and picture updating has seemed to slow down quite a bit.

Its really comforting that hopefully in our 20's we can get past the High School popularity contest/ social science experiment that is Myspace with maybe some of our collective dignity left. Of course My Myspace picture will always keep me in the most esteemed regard. I'm not saying that I am quitting my account or anything, but I think we all have better things to do than religiously check our mailboxes for new picture or wall comments.

I would always use the friend requests as an appetizer and then move on to the comments for the main course. Now you can consider me on weight watchers.

Daily snooze

I know that in recent times I have criticized both AM New York and The New York Post, but there is one paper that outlames them all. The Daily News is by far the most pathetic newspaper I have ever seen. The Post may be all gossip and sensationalized stories, but at least its entertaining. and only costs 25 cents. And I can always wipe my ass with the AM New York after I'm done finding out what some jack ass from Queens thinks about the new Uniqlo opening.

I had to buy a Daily News today since they were out of the post (yet for some odd reason has an abundance of the Daily snooze). The cover story was just a picture of a waitress that served food to the supposed "mastermind" behind the failed terrorist plot on JFK airport that would of never worked, even if they somehow got explosives back from Trinidad and Tobago. Just re read that sentence again for good measure. In any case the title story is about an interview with a waitress where she served this guy salmon and thats it. Amazingly he didn't rant and rave about his intentions or plot to kill all of the Americans on the eastern seaboard (maybe that would be close to making it a story or news). What we did learn from this cover story is that he fingered his prayer beads and that he likes fish. Good Job Daily News, but I'm sure there wasn't anything better to report on yesterday right?

Its literally the only paper where no matter what article I read I find myself flipping the pages futilly looking for something more interesting, or having any semblance of substance.

art right?

Zombie Attack

Miss Jesse Ames

Dina, what are we going to do with you?

This is a good idea. I love when we manage to degrade our species beyond my wildest dreams. Lets literally watch Dina Lohan try to destroy another one of her kids lives simply to give herself another stench of the limelight, While still in the shadows of her daughter who despite being a 20 year old coke addicted twice in rehab slut has accomplished more and than Dina will in her whole life (and still seems more respectable).

Would it be such a crazy idea if we maybe stopped worshiping these people? I understand following, and being obsessed with actual celebrities (ya know actors, rock stars...), But do we honestly have nothing better to do than to follow the lives of the people that just happen to be around the celebrities?

Spiderman and New York City Real Estate

After seeing the third Spider Man movie (which was awful) I am left with the question of who would ever want to live in NYC? Its stressful, bug and disease infested, and lets not mention the shoddy reporting of the Daily Bugle.

The real issue with New York City is the constant annoyance of having dastardly creatures and super villains constantly disrupting your parades, bridge gondola rides, and pretty much any other activity in the Big Apple. The only more baffling issue is that when these creatures attack New Yorkers seem to decide that the best thing to do is to corral yourself as close to the police barricade as possible making it so that flying cars and debris will have the best chance possible to destroy you and your (15,000 dollar a year) prep school brats.


Above is the newly unveiled logo for the 2012 Winter Olympics in London. I'm not even kidding.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Crooked Rain in the Hamptons

As much as we pretend to not be snobby or elitist New Yorkers with more financial security than most...
Memorial Day Weekend

Oh yeah and we use polaroid film not with the classic hipster faux art pretensions, but because we really appreciate the latitude of polaroid stock and the symmetrical attitudes of the box as opposed to the rectangular shape that we feel works better with moving image. Oh and cuz it looks like our parents pictures from the 70's, or is that just all the American Apparel?

Friday, June 1, 2007

The Hipster Must Die?

I really have no response to this essay. Seriously, it's dead on.

And I'm not just saying that because I'm one of the Sweet hipsters.

I can picture it now, though:
When the war starts, I'm nominating Michael Chabon as General of the Sweet forces. His second in command would be John Hodgman, with Haruki Murakami in charge of strategy. I assume he knows a lot about WWII military tactics. The Sweet Army would take forever to get anywhere, because everyone would be walking one-foot-in-front-of-the-other on curbs or holding hands with their girlfriends, and their rallying cry would probably be something cute, like old Of Montreal lyrics. I'm guessing something from Cherry Peel. "When you come around, everything else disappears!"

Perez Hilton would have to lead the Vicious crew, seconded by the dude from the Superficial. To everyone's surprise, Lindsay Lohan will reveal she is actually a military genius, and will lead her former tormentors in cruel battle. The Vicious Army will be held up, primarily, by fashion. It takes a long time to cut the sleeves off a denim jacket and get it to fray just right. Jarvis Cocker will appoint himself Song and Dance Man, backed by a marching band all wearing masks of his face.

It will be a terrible era, punctuated by Snark and Clever finally destroying one another for good. For some reason, only Thomas Pynchon will be left standing, having been drunk on a floating brothel for days, and everyone on both sides will still lie and say they read Gravity's Rainbow. On these grounds, a shaky peace will be forged.

What side are you on?