Monday, April 30, 2007

That adaptation is so meta (legally retarted)

I started writing a scathing post about the death of creativity. I restarted and made it about the end of our civilization. Maybe the third time's a charm? Why don't we just let the link speak for itself:

the death of art

I give it a month, and that would be longer that these guys survived. Unless you are about the blood and the bunnies, let's keep movie adaptations away from Broadway. Although in a crazy world maybe this could work. "He'll flip ya for real" choruses anyone?

Book Cover Deception at Vintage Publishing

Fun! South Beach! Time Travel!

These are just a few of the things I associate with the cover for the paperback edition of Philip Roth's award-winning novel Everyman. Now this wouldn't be a problem if any of these things remotely related to the "candidly intimate yet universal story of loss, regret, and stoicism" the back cover describes it as. Basically, Everyman is a story concerned with death, which makes the cover highly strange (and kind of disturbing). My interpretation as follows:

Imagined conversation between the PR/Marketing Team behind this cover

A: Okay, so the critics love it, but the thing is people don't really like "death."
B: He's right, our polling shows 90% of book readers don't want to die.
A: How can we spin this so it ends up being a Cold Mountain and not a Thirteen Moons?
C: Orange Mocha Frappacinos?
A: Quiet C. Well one thing that has to go is that horrendous cover from the hard copies.

B: Yes, all that black is a problem. People associate black with death don't even want to know what our polling says about red squares.
A: Hmm...what about a nice teal. Teal makes people happy.
C: Yes, we have have seen successes in the past with distracting from depressing content with flashy covers.

A: So we dump the black and go with the teal. How about a nice icon too?
C: A Grandfather clock?
B: No grandfathers equal old, old equals uncool.
C: Maybe a pocket watch then? They're cooler and younger. What do you think?
A: I think I've got cocktails with Bret Easton Ellis in twenty, go for it.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I'm a Golden God!

We here at Crooked Rain pride ourselves on two things, and two things only: nepotism and Alexander Goldberg's Down Home Apple Crisp.

In the spirit of the former, I want to let you guys onto one of the internet's best kept secrets: our good friends Decoy Squad, and their hilarious new video up at the GamePro Magazine website.

These guys are the real deal, and I will Boll with anybody who says otherwise. For realsies. More DS videos can be found on the GamePro site or here, and I highly recommend you check them out.

Or this might happen to you:

These Things

1. Denim Skirts
2. Dresses over Jeans
3. Whateverthefuck this is

Don't wear them.

Marilyn Manson is moving to Williamsburg

Not the biggest fan in the world of Marilyn Manson, but hearing this clip from his new single Heart Shaped Glasses made me a tad intrigued, if do say so myself. If you can get past the ever so tacky and cliched blood fountain as Manson makes out with his new girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, who happens to be 19 (lets hope that blood is N.A). The xylophone and military snare rolls are topped with a simple, rhythmic, dare I say The Strokes type guitar riff. These qualities are a departure for Manson.

Could he be going all indie rock on us? Manson is a marketing whiz, and knows what sells. In either case this is an album I just might have to check out. "Eat Me, Drink Me" drops June 5th, and look out for Manson on a North side street near you.

Marilyn Manson official site

Friday, April 27, 2007

FRIDAY FEATURE "Cuz Pitchfork told me so"

This is the first post in a series entitled "Cuz Pitchfork told me so." I'll feature 2 songs that have caught my fancy this week, one local or under the radar song and one that may be from a more distinguished or popular band. Here goes nothing:

My underground track comes from my alma matter (RIT) and past collaborator Travis Johansen (favoritism, nepotism blah blah blah) and his new band Science vs Witchcraft. Note that on May 5th they have the pleasure of accompanying the incredibly fun Pit Er Pat (I have one of her hand made hoodies that I still wear even though it's way too small). Anyways, the track Smoke Crack and Do Math rocks it old school. I'm talking The Rapture EP Modern Romance rocking it. With its splashy high hat riding and waves of distorted guitar it captures the same noise punk feel as O'l Jenner and the gang did back when they lived under a bridge in a van.

Science Vs Witchcraft: play Smoke Crack and Do Meth

This week's popular track comes from The Arctic Monkeys whose second album Favourite Worst Nightmare keeps the intensity and catchiness (not a word) of the first album. Just read any of the billions of reviews that talk about them beating the sophomore slump to a bloody pulp. The single, Brianstorm, like the other track of the week has some nice high hat riding albeit much tighter than Smoke Crack and Do Math. The guitar work is solid and trades off with the bass very nicely. Of course this is what the Arctic Monkeys are all about; playing tight, fast, intricately woven songs sprinkled with clever nonchalant lyrics.

Brianstorm music video

Oh, and despite what Jimmy Kimmel may think, it is Brianstorm not Brainstorm

CNN Editors Asleep at the Wheel

This story is the headline on CNN right now. Come on, CNN, is this some type of joke? Do will really have to trivialize the suffering of Japanese sex slaves with a clause so open to rape jokes? Aren't all the racist cracks Shinzo Abe's already hurling at them enough? Do I just have a really dirty mind?

For those not in the know, Japan had over 200,000 Chinese and Korean sex slaves during the WWII period. Japan has refused to acknowledge or apologize for the incident due to a number of diplomatic, nationalistic, and strategic reasons and China and Korea ain't happy about it.

One such "comfort woman" recounts:

"I was abducted at age 15 by the Japanese Imperial Army," she said. "I was put on a Japanese naval ship. There were 300 military men there and five girls, including myself."

Man, that's like 60 blow jobs a day. She must have had a real pain in her jaw. Snaps!

Gay Rodeo Ain't Fer Sissies

I've said it before and I'll say it again: nobody does investigative journalism like Yahoo News.

Or at least, nobody has jingle-writers on staff to sing the soundtrack to a rodeo montage like Yahoo News.
"Gay Rodeo Curious" is actually pretty catchy. I could see it becoming a great ringtone. It's at least better than Crazy Frog.

I haven't seen anything more entertaining all week, so thank you, Yahoo. And thank you, LA Gay Rodeo. I hope your party never stops.

Do yourself a favor and check it out. Especially "goat dressing." My words could not possibly do it justice.

But wait a second, does this mean the real rodeo isn't gay enough?

Thursday, April 26, 2007

New video from the Hexxers

Check out this new video featuring some pretty sweet claymation. In a time where everything is all glossy and Maya produced its nice to see that some people are sticking to our old skool roots. The song ain't to bad either. (Warning this video features some claymation breasts)

The Hexxers


Icky Thump Trickles In

The White Stripes' new single "Icky Thump," off the album of the same name, has been released online, and let me tell you, it is hot. Like, Frank's Red Hot, hot. Mixed with Tabasco and thrown onto The Great Tire Fire. That's how hot it is.

While not quite as catchy as "Seven Nation Army" or even "Blue Orchid," the song does live up to its name, delivering the kind of pulsating, churning, kitchen-sink blues groove that we've come to expect and love from Detroit's Finest. Okay, maybe Detroit's Second Finest.

All signs point to a return to form, especially after the relatively disappointing Get Behind Me Satan. I mean, relatively disappointing to other people. I thought it was pretty great. Though, Jack White could probably play Raffi songs on a kazoo while Meg keeps time shooting a BB gun in the air, and it'd still hit the top of my playlist. Actually, come to think of it, that definitely would.

And as with most White Stripes songs, it gets even better as you increase the volume.

Icky Thump is out June 19th, supported by a tour of every building in Canada.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Finger on the pulse advertising

I was in walking in Union Square today when I came across the new Diesel store. For those of you not in the know Diesel is an incredibly overpriced pretentious clothing line. It's the type of clothing worn by people like this. In Urban Outfitters you cannot even try them on because they are shackled to the clothes rack with an electric alarm. Their advertising campaign in recent years has become a parade of "air headed way too chic looking" models reeking of "I don't care" cool, the type of people that you have never actually seen in real life. At best you see people trying to impersonate this look. Now I'm used to this ridiculous style of high fashion advertising, but Diesel's new campaign so topically and cleverly picks up on the public's consciousness at the moment; Global warming of course, or as they have titled it Global Warming Ready so now we have these incredibly obnoxious models standing around like jackasses with the rest of the world submerged under water.

Its nice to know that when the apocalypse comes at least the really, really, really good looking people will survive, and they won't even notice the destruction around them. Well at least it's truthful advertising. Let's give them some credit for projecting how these people would deal with major devastation and the destruction of our entire civilization (they would get on designer diesel clothes go on the roof and pour water into each others mouthes).

Take the time to note the tiny link you can click that unveils that Diesel actually does care about Global Warming. I'm sure people that are interested about making serious changes to improve the environment shop at Diesel, or go to their website for information how to fight against global warming, especially after such an insulting and tasteless campaign. At least Calvin Kleins heroin chic actually captured what was though to be a "cool scene" as opposed to the "imminent threat to the entire world" couture. The real question is when the apocalypse comes what will you be wearing?

Diesel: Global Warming Ready campaign

Self-Hating Hipsters

Picture via Curbed of defaced advertisement for one of those new yuppie condos going up in Williamsburg.

I have to admit to loling hard after seeing this. You can't go a block in the burgeoning hipster stronghold of Brooklyn these days without seeing one of these condos going up. Personally, I'm of the school of thinking that luxury condo overload in the area is going to seriously collapse the prices on these developments and ultimately end up not changing the neighborhood too much, but I didn't go to any fancy real estate school.

However, I can't even count the number of times I've heard complaints from people in $200 designer jeans about how the developments are ruining the neighborhood and how we need to run those trustafarians over the bridge and back to Manhattan with flaming torches. This all leads me to believe that this attempt at vandalism was probably committed by some skinny white jew from Weehawken in an attempt to impress his "artist" girlfriend or something along those lines. It's amazing how almost everyone I know in Williamsburg mocks hipsters, when they clearly resemble the stereotype in so many ways. It's kind of like the self-hating Jew complex, except with asymmetrical haircuts and Sparks instead of yarmulkes and Manishevitz.

The condos are here to stay and there is nothing any of us can do about it. Alas, the hipster does love to whine though.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Unprotected Sex Among Honeybees on the Rise

So is anyone else as weirdly fascinated by the press honeybees have gotten in the last couple of months? It's been in a bunch of major news publications lately and the Times Science section picked it up today. The bee population of our country is estimated to have declined by almost a quarter over the last two decades in what researchers have now dubbed colony collapse disorder. Normally, I'd be all "who the fuck cares, they're just stupid bees," but apparently bees are partly responsible for pollinating our food. Scientists have suggested cell phone reception or GM crops may be the culprit and the blogorati have been shouting secret terrorist plot or honeybee rapture.

The real answer, however, lies in this quote:

Genetic testing at Columbia University has revealed the presence of multiple micro-organisms in bees from hives or colonies that are in decline, suggesting that something is weakening their immune system. The researchers have found some fungi in the affected bees that are found in humans whose immune systems have been suppressed by the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome or cancer.

The obvious link cannot be clearer. Bee AIDS (or BAIDS as I call it) is surely the culprit. Much like Hurricane Katrina and the failure of our Iraqi operations, God is punishing us through our bees for gay-rights successes in our country. Thus, he has unleashed his gay plague upon our pollinating friends. Repent sinners and save our honeybees!

Beat you to the punch Phelps.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Future. American. Classic.

You had to know this post was coming.

Live Free or Die Hard.
June 27. Be there. You know I will.

Maybe I'm still a little buzzed from my two trips (and counting) to see Hot Fuzz, but there is very little about this trailer that doesn't scream kitsch value. All the elements are here: explosions, one-liners, sidekicks from shitty comedies, more explosions and one-liners, and a bad ass villain.

Seriously, whichever casting manager had the idea to cast Timothy Olyphant deserves a kiss on the mouth. This is Bullock we're talking about here! I'm predicting he'll at least be shortlisted for my end of the year Best Understatement and Introversion in a Leading Villain Award. Prestigious stuff, I know. He'd join the hallowed ranks of my boy Phil Hoffman (aka World's Greatest Living Actor) in MI:3 as well as the entire cast of Alone in the Dark.
Like I said. Prestige.
And of course we all know Kevin Smith has acting chops too. Heavy, right? Though I'm probably the only person reading or writing this blog who'll admit to having seen the film. *cough* yes, with his mother *cough*

It's great when a film knows its place in its genre. The Die Hard franchise has a long and storied niche within the action film canon, so I'm hoping this doesn't disappoint. By the looks of things, we're all safe. McClane is on the job.

Also, for those of you keeping score (really just me), this does count as my second time discussing a film starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead. It's not a coincidence, nor is it likely to be the last time. I've probably got something up my sleeve that I could say about Sky High if need be.

So, Live Free or Die Hard. Two months and counting. In the meantime, I'll just have to keep watching Hot Fuzz with that religious zeal I reserve especially for the Wright/Pegg/Frost Holy Trinity. Because I can't help it.

I just realized that I unintentionally made a fat joke at Kevin Smith's expense a little while back. I apologize. If anything, I should make fun of him for being friends with Richard Kelly.

Shit just got real.

Times Headlines Get Increasingly Snarky

..and we know how much they hate snark.

About an hour ago, the headline read something in the vein of "Bush Speaks Out in Defence of Embattled Gonzalez." The headline to the right is gracing the NYT homepage as of 10:03 PM today. I couldn't decide what the reason behind the change to this more jazzy one was trying to signal. At first, I interpreted as some type of belittlement of Gonzalez, like there's only one guy who thinks he deserves to keep his job. "Liberal Bias!" the inner Fox News in me screamed. Then as I though about it more, and I realized that it could also be interpreted to mean that since only the president can dismiss the attorney general, it doesn't really matter how much the Senate bitches. Oh you crafty Times, you've done it again.

Article here for all those curious about the president defending another D.O.A. neocon toady (Libby cough Rumsefeld cough cough).

Bright Idea

The first video project I did for Gawker is up at the consumerist. Check out "glasses" comments, I don't think he's happy. Maybe he isn't getting enough lumen's from his new CFL bulb so he's got a headache from straining to see the computer screen.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Quarter Life Crisis

Does this image make you feel a little old? Being a summer birthday I was the youngest in my grade. At all of my places of employment I have been the youngest (usually by a pretty good length of time too). Being the youngest isn't really the case anymore. Now that I have reached the ripe old age of 22 I am no longer the youngest one at the family reunion; I can't fit into this anymore. Sometimes my back hurts for no reason, and my body has lost that "made out of rubber" durability that used to keep me out in the backyard for hours.

Anyways Seeing this image brought be back to being how many ever single digit years old when a little video game called Mortal Kombat came out. Seeing the aforementioned image I realized how long it had been since I had played that game and how few of the original characters I could even recognize or name. There has been so many pieces of pop culture from our past that have somehow managed to survive and serve as a reminder that we have been around for almost a quarter of a century. They have gone through some major changes but heres a small list.

which one was gay?
it was the pot that made them love pizza
i don't care what side they are on, do they run on alternative fuel is the real question
he was rocking the Mohawk before Sanjaya
i like the chocolate fudge
those toys were never really that fun when you think about it
the 50 wasn't the biggest, but i think it was the best
maybe they should use this to recruit for the war in Iraq

Not Having TV, Not so Bad

I haven't had a TV for the last couple of months and have admittedly been out of the broadcast journalism loop. However, thanks to the joys of JetBlue Direct TV I was able to catch a couple hours of brain-draining goodness on my 5 hour flight today. Jesus Christ, all the major news networks (Fox News, CNN, etc..) were covering Alec Baldwin leaving a nasty voicemail for his daughter. And it was getting equal, if not more time than the potential resignation of the highest law enforcement officer in our nation. Now I know that haranguing the overexposure of celebrity news in the media is by no means a revelatory idea, but this is getting a little ridiculous folks. I know Fox News is probably struggling to come up with stories with all the flak Gonzales and Wolfowitz are getting, but a 15 minute piece on the drunk dialing angry rant of a divorced father? Come on.

That's when I realized quitting TV was like quitting cigarettes (in my experience). The first two weeks suck, but after a month or so you realize how disgusting and odious the habit was to begin with and can't believe you ever resorted to it in the first place.

...then I realized how pretentious I was starting to become and starting watching Engaged and Underage on MTV. I'm a weak man. Damn you JetBlue and your convenient in-flight television. Seriously though, that Mormon bride was such a bitch.

Nice Cannes

The lineup for this year's Cannes Film Fest was released yesterday, and I must say it looks pretty exciting.
I mean, not that I'm going or anything (shit's expensive), but it's still pretty fun to pretend I have the option. It's also fun to pretend that I'll own a suit one day, and that my bedsheets don't still have Ninja Turtles on them, but that's neither here nor there.

Of the films announced, the three I'm most pumped to (eventually) see are definitely Wong Kar-Wai's My Blueberry Nights, Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park, and the Coen Brothers' Cormac McCarthy adaptation No Country for Old Men. More than pumped, even. I'm giddy at the thought of seeing these films.
Cannes-goers will also get to see Ocean's Thirteen, in anticipation of which I can already faintly hear a trans-Atlantic "meh" on the wind.

Also included in the lineup is a new film from Julian Schnabel (of the very good Basquiat), Fincher's excellent Zodiac, and the boring half of Grindhouse.
Though I'm curious to see what Tarantino puts in to fill out Death Proof. His best move would be more screen time for Rosario Dawson and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, for reasons I don't have to explain.
Actually, I take that back. His real best move would be a visit to the cardiologist, because the biggest lesson I learned in Grindhouse was that a decade of "Royales with Cheese" have brought his cholesterol to a dangerous level. Zing!

And I kinda wish this was a real movie, because it's the first time I've ever thought to myself "I guess Eli Roth isn't that much of a douche."

Thursday, April 19, 2007

BREAKING NEWS! Crooked Rain is being read (sorta)

Its official Crooked Rain is now open for business. With months of preparation and hard work from yours truly and my wonderful compatriots we now have are a real life Blog. The news comes officially at 8:55pm on Wednesday April 18th in the year of 2007 as we have received our first view. I happened to be there first hand to document this historic event. If you can guess who this history making viewer is you'll get some free Crooked Rain swag.

At this point I would also like to announce our Roster. These are the guys that made it past cuts and will be considered our full time editors. We have Adam Geiger hailing from Williamsburg Brooklyn and a recent graduate of Dartmouth college, Adam works in the music marketing world and is so important he gets to take business trips (that usually means your at least semi-important). It should also be noted that one of his posts has already been grabbed up by this blog. Second up is Adam Maid still a student at RIT for at least another month or two, but will soon be wearing size 30 or less jeans in Williamsburg. His cunning wit and eye for satire will be a pleasant addition to Crooked Rain. Lets not forget everyones favorite pundit Matt Nicole, his ability to point out hypocrisy, injustice, and idiocy in our culture in unmatched. And then of course me (Alexander Goldberg), or the founding/managing editor. I live in Williamsburg, and am a recent graduate of RIT film school. I work here; yes they get a little more hits then us, but I'm working on that.

Daily News Shames Times

Did anyone else notice that the photograph to the right disappeared from the NY Times homepage this morning coincidentally after it appeared on the front page of the the Daily News?

I was pretty damn shocked when I saw it on their homepage last night mainly because it looks like it was Cho's facebook photo or something. Although appearance in the Daily News is certainly a good litmus test for the retardation of a photo, I can't believe that the NYT web editors put that god awful picture on their homepage in the first place. I thought they were all "web news the future of newspaper, la la la." Guess not.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Why don't you make like a Kennedy and die young?

One day long ago, in a happier and more naive lifetime, I did the unthinkable. Without considering the repercussions, or putting any mind to the inherent loss of innocence brought on by my actions, I went ahead and watched Son of the Mask.

The closest comparison I can make is when one of your friends falls down drunk and you laugh at first, but then realize Hey Guys he's really hurt. You feel guilty for laughing, but even though it really was initially funny, everyone comes out a little smudged.

Anyhow, years have now passed, and the pain (yes, real physical pain) has faded, but the lessons of that day are still just as relevant as ever. This is why I feel I'm now in a unique position to ponder those five words which, hypothetically, should make even the Wayans Brothers shudder to think: A Film By Jamie Kennedy.


I find myself in a strange situation, because even though I'll never forgive him for SOTM (or, for that matter, anyone involved with the movie- especially Alan Cumming, though perhaps more for bailing on X3), and as much as I like to consider him a second-rate Dax Shepard, I have a hard time gathering too much ill will toward the guy. Plus, Dax Shepard kind of is a second-rate Dax Shepard already... I don't know. Am I getting soft? I will say, and you can quote me on this, that Jamie Kennedy was the sympathetic/funny glue that held the Scream movies together. The exact moment that the franchise begins to derail can be correlated directly to when Kennedy's "freaky Tarantino film student" eats it in the back of a van. So I can't hate him. Not fully. Not like you probably do.
Even when this happens.

Heckler actually looks kinda good, too. It has David Cross and Dr. Boll, both arguing for the same cause. Sounds like cultural pastiche at its finest to me!


Why does The Road House Netflix slip continue to sit on my coffee table collecting dust? I watched it and it was amazing (as expected), but why? Why do I let it sit there? We all have Netflix because its so freaking easy and requires little to no effort, but we all do it; let our Netflix rentals sit around for weeks and sometimes months (seen or not). I'd like to dub this phenomenon "Netlfixitis" a syndrome that should be nominated for the DSM volume IV. My roommate shares the same affliction as I do. He has had Coffy for 5 months now. I only know it exists and that it affects my self and as well as my friends. If you have any information on the way to cure Netflixitis please let us know ASAP or else I'm never gonna get to see Swayze kick ass in the 90's (its number 55 on my que). On a side note If you haven't heard they are making a Hardy Boys movie entitled Hardy Men which at this point has Ben Stiller and Tom Cruise playing the two brothers. Shawn Levy coming off the monster success of Night At The Museum (also starring Stiller) is slated to direct and as of today Simon Kinberg ( Mr. & Mrs. Smith and X-Men: The Last Stand) will be doing an overhaul of the script. I am torn between thinking this is the worst and best movie I have ever heard of.

Those Crazy RIT Kids

At least we were smart enough to keep our assault rifles in the gun locker at my school...and to not look like we just finished a 3 day meth binge when we get arrested.

Diatribe from the Clinton camp on how Halo 2 is causing male college students to shoot up their peers to follow shortly.

Be Still My Heart- It's the Spider-Man Musical!

I've now read this article about five times, and it still makes no more sense to me than it did the first time. All I know is that I am strangely, vehemently aroused by it all.

Here's the breakdown: Dublin's Favorite Sons, Bono and The Edge, are doing the music for a Spider-Man musical, which is to be directed by Julie Taymor, director of the Lion King musical.
And it's 29 hours long. Count me in.

Okay, the musical won't really be 29 hours, but the "rehearsed reading" on July 12 and 13 is, which has me hoping and praying that Alex can use his Gawker creds to get us a look-see. Everything about this project has me cringing at its all-out weirdness, I can't help but watch. The only way I could be more excited is if the directing gig went to Mel Gibson somehow, but I'll settle for the huge Green Goblin headdresses and interpretive web-slinging that's going to haunt me until I see this project to completion.

Oh! That reminds me! The most unintelligible paragraph in the whole article!
"The character breakdowns provide some insight to plot points as the character Arachne ("female, 20-35 years old, any ethnicity") is described as "a beautiful, boastful young woman turned into a spider for her hubris and lack of respect for the gods. She subsequently appears to Peter Parker and the audience as in turn a powerful spider-woman who comes from another time to inspire Peter; an otherworldly lover; a bride; a terrifying (and sexy) dark goddess of vengeance; a dance partner in a charged and violent spiders dance of death; and, finally, a lonely, fragile young woman." Casting is seeking a "strong Celtic, Balkan style, e.g., Sinead O'Connor," noting, "outside the box ideas are welcomed. Could be someone from the music industry.""

Maybe they plan on using mirrors?

If there is a God, the real Sinead O'Connor will star in this musical and bring a Rapture of sardonicism upon us all. Oceans will rise and cities may fall, but Sinead is written in stone.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Not Exactly the "Times"

While I don't expect much from free daily newspapers that are handed out at the entrances to the subway, we should still expect some semblance of knowledge sharing, news of some sort, or dare we say investigative journalism. Today's subway circulation featured a story entitled "Guns Linked to Risk of Suicide" isn't this the type of stuff we read about in Dare class in 5th grade along with marijuana usage leading to robbery and living in the Bronx. Does there even need to be an article following this statement or maybe instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. To add insult to injury this article was in the health section. There is little to no involvement of health when it comes to killing yourself with or without a gun. One moment your alive and the next moment you aren't. It should be noted that this is an article that AM New York picked up from The Washington Post and Shankar Vedantam. Wait a second isn't the Washington Post supposed to be a real newspaper?

Jam Bands to Invade McCarren, Battle Between Hipsters and Hippies Imminent

While scanning the 'net today, I came across this little gem. Look's like Bisco, as Disco Biscuits are known to fans, and Umphrey's McGee are going to be playing McCarren Pool this summer.

Now for those of you not down with the jam band scene, Bisco and Umphrey's are two of the bands jockeying to fill the vacuum created after the disbandment of Phish and save the scene from complete obscurity. After seeing both bands several times, which I am a bit ashamed to admit, I have to say not only do they both kind of suck, but also have incredibly annoying fans. The only saving grace of hippies is their drug induced haze enables them to dance at shows rather than stand there like statues, desperately trying to look cool (NY hipsters, cough). However, I usually found that most fans of these bands tended to be more into the drug aspect of the concert than the actual music, so I guess it's a trade off. In the end, the irritating fans and monotony of the music caused me to abandon jam bands for greener pastures.

SO, be sure to avoid McCarren Park and Bedford Ave on 8/15 if troves of Long Island hippy stoners and twenty-minute suck-fest songs scare you as much as they scare me.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Vegetarianism

Even at the risk of earning the scorn of some of my friends, I refuse to feel ashamed or censor myself any longer. I think vegetarianism is stupid.

Recently, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and gradually broached the subject. After some awkward exchanges, we both admitted that we hated vegetarianism. It felt like I had just admitted to some dirty little secret and, in Williamsburg, it kind of is. I feel like there's more vegetarians/pescetarians/vegans in the one mile radius of my apartment than anywhere in NYC.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but humans have been omnivores since being cavemen (steak tartar=pterodactyl meat). I don't get it when vegetarians spout all that crap about feeling "natural" and blah blah blah. Isn't it more natural to follow a diet we've had for thousands of years?

A pescetarian friend of mine countered my disapproval last weekend by claiming that a vegetarian diet is healthier than an omnivorous one. She later sent me an excerpt from the Adventist Health Study which reached a similar conclusion by studying 7th-day Adventists (may fo which are vegetarians) over a 40-year period, concluding they have a lower risk of a myriad of diseases than meat-eaters. However, what this study and many others of the like ignore are the numerous confounding variables that make such a claim dubious at best. 7th-day Adventists also have religious guidelines encouraging them not to smoke, drink alcohol, and do drugs which certainly would have an effect on susceptibility to disease. Vegetarians are more likely to come from high-income backgrounds and are also more health conscious than the average consumer.

However, the thing that pisses me off most about the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle is the smug sense of superiority that radiates off such people. From kooks threatening to sue restaurants over the diet and that annoying vegan friend who makes you eat at that crappy vegan cafe because they can't get anything at Pies-n-Thighs (wah-wah, cry cry), I always feel vaguely judged by vegetarians because I eat meat. Fuck that. Choosing not to eat meat doesn't make you a good person and being smug about it makes you a douchebag. If you really are abstaining from meat to make a difference, why not help out your fellow man by volunteering at a homeless shelter or giving to a worthy charity?

In closing, meat is delicious and I refuse to censor my distaste for the vegetarian lifestyle for the sake of being PC any longer. Omnivores of the world unite!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Jolly Green Giant



Do I even need to make a joke or complain sarcastically about this. Lets put a cherry on top and give it to Louis Leterrier with his command of Jet Li in "Unleashed" and Jason Statham in
the "The Transporter" 1 and 2 I really feel he will be capable of capturing the inner turmoil that Bruce Banner is supposed to go through. Of course I'm not much of a fan of the Hulk to begin with. I mean first off what a hipster with those purple pants, Yeah I live in williamsburg too, but i can refrain from North 6th AA. I mean this is a guy who busts out his super powers when he's changing a tire. This guys the poster boy for roid rage. They call it Gamma radiation, but we all know he's really injecting Creatine. How about we get excited for what will hopefully be a good comic book graphic novel adaptation.

If a movie made from a book drops in the summer and I don't go see it, does it make me sound?

Here's a list of some books being made into movies which come out this summer. Included in the list is yet another movie based on a Philip K. Dick novel. The Chricton-ization of the Dick library is almost complete, but all forecasts for the end of the trend are positive since Jessica Biel is in Next and Jurassic Park IV comes out next year.

If Nick Cage could see the future in real life do you think he would have warned everyone about Jurassic Parks II through III? I wish I could say that he would have, but I can't because I have no way to get in touch with him. With any luck that will be the twist ending in Next. Nick Cage using the powers of his mind (I wonder if he'll be method acting) to redirect an atomic bomb at the studio producing JP4.

The release of Next will beg the question: Are you cooler for reading a Philip K. Dick book or not seeing the movie?

There's no way to answer the question if you haven't seen the movie, but there will be opinions.

Viva la 'pinion!

At least its not going up in Williamsburg

I had read about this story a couple months ago and was incredulous. I figured it had to be a publicity stunt. A high rise condo that had private elevators for cars to go all the way up to the occupants actual apartment. The premise is that the owner has complete privacy, of course the fire chief and department has already said that it objects to plan for "For obvious life-safety reasons,". Anyone in their right mind can see how insane this idea is. Yes it allows for maximum privacy for the handful of people that need it, but wouldn't an underground garage below the building do the same thing? Does anyone find this excess to be most egregious and obnoxious?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The best movie(s) You'll never see

On a whim I happened to catch the second half of the "New York" magazine Film review by David Edelstein featuring a review of "The TV Set". Being a filmmaker this was one of the insider industry type films that I would enjoy. Upon seeing it I thought it was a truly great work. Probably one of the best films I will see this year. I was originally going to write a review of this film, but there are enough reviews of it already. What I feel is more important to write about is the fact that the majority of us will most likely not hear about this film or even know it exists, let alone go and see it. Now "The TV Set" is a very smart movie that critiques our culture and especially our entertainment industry. The content may be a little high brow for a lot of people, but there are many films like this one that are both original and interesting. Works that are progressing the craft and pushing boundaries, but none of us see them. I constantly complain about the crap that comes out these days "Red Line", "Are We Done Yet", "Wild Hogs", and the list goes on. Of course we all know that Hollywood and mainstream film making has been quite awful for a long time. The problem is that there are good movies being made, but we don't find out about them. They are usually in select cities only, or play for a couple of shows at a small theater and are gone before we know it. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. The question (which is a complex one) is how can we make these films more accessible? How can we start changing the mainstream to contain more movies like "The TV Set"?

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Popular culture no longer applies to me

So i work for Gawker in the video department, and i figure if everyone else in the world has a blog, and i work for a blog, than why not have a blog myself. I can't think of a better contribution to this world then another blog. This site will consist of my opinions on music, film, literature, TV, and maybe some NYC general happenings. for the time being i am just going to link you along to a clip i grabbed for Gawker today. I think its pretty funny.

Ann Curry (or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bitch in Home Ec)